Everlasting Love and Strength

Rainbows over Little Shuswap Lake in Chase BC. © Marvin Beatty Photography, 2011 

Your love, strength and beauty radiates and resides in your family and friends, and will carry on in your children and your children's children.

I woke up with those words on the morning of the day she had passed away.  My mother-in-law Cathy had passed away recently from a 2 year long battle with cancer.  Over the recent time she had spent in the hospital and hospice I was lucky enough to spend quality time with her and say everything in my heart; how much she meant to me and how much I loved her.  We got to revisit some good memories, I got to hold her hand, help her ease the pain and I got to tell her those beautiful words. It feels strange to not have her here with us any more, but I know she is looking over us now.  I believe it.

On the eve before her passing I experienced some things that will stay with me forever.  It made me have a stronger connection with my spirituality.  Some would say these events were pure coincidence, but I feel that the moments were too personal, too perfect for them to not be signs.  A sign for me to go be with her and loved ones, a sign for my boyfriend and I that someone is looking over us.  

I shared with her the second sign I saw that day because I felt it was for all of us in the family.  I went home from work after not being able to focus at the office for obvious reasons.  My boyfriend Dave had picked me up by the new bus loop near our home.  I mentioned I wanted to grab a coffee having been extremely tired, having stayed at the hospice past midnight the previous day.  Dave and I were not focused and only realized when we got to the gate of our underground parking that we forgot to grab some coffees.  Dave turned the car around and then stopped to point out his window; there up in the sky was a rainbow.  It was the most perfect rainbow I've ever seen.  So bright, so big, so beautiful and perfectly arced.  I instinctively had to jump out of the car to take a picture.  When I went to grab my camera though, it was too late...it had faded away before my eyes.  Then in that moment I knew that rainbow was for us.  A sign that everything would be okay.  We would've never seen that rainbow if we hadn't forgot our coffees...and it would've never lasted long enough for us to see it otherwise.

I miss her terribly, but glad she is no longer suffering and can now rest in peace.  She was an amazing woman.  She was a great wife, mother, grandmother, sister, friend...the list goes on.  I'm so lucky to have had the pleasure of knowing her, having her in my life and being part of her family.  I feel blessed.  She has given me many great gifts in life.  She was like a mother to me and I love her dearly.

I have a lot of good memories of Cathy, some of them being the best memories of my life.  I'm so grateful for everything she has shared with me.  From her famous pumpkin pie, to the best vacation I've ever been on...that trip alone was a life changer.  I also had the chance to visit her hometown with her this past Easter; to see where she grew up and got married.  So much family history.  I will miss her loving face, her kindness, her hugs, her sense of humour...I will miss the fact she was so compassionate, warm-hearted and full of light.

She has helped me grow as a person and will forever be an inspiration to me.  I feel over the years that I've known her, she has passed some of her strength on to me.  When I came into this family I was far more fragile than I am now and after a few years I had been toughened up and toughened up even further.  Together we got through the toughest of times as she lent her strength, love and wisdom to us.  

Although it has been one heck of a rough year, there are a lot of things to be grateful for.  I've learned so much in this year...about myself, about life in general.  I know what I want out of life, I know who I want to spend it with, I know what really matters.  I am surrounded by the best people life has to offer and they have been with me through thick and thin.  These past couple of years wouldn't have been easy without the love and support that I've received by them.  A huge heartfelt thank you to everyone who has been there for me, for this family...the outpour of love has been tremendous and has helped a great deal in this time of our lives.

With time we will heal from this loss because for the mere fact she's not really gone.  A piece of her remains in everyone that she has touched and it will eventually overpower any feelings of sadness hanging in our hearts.  Love you always and forever.

Your love, strength and beauty radiates and resides in your family and friends, and will carry on in your children and your children's children.  

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Road to Recovery; Path to Discovery

Hey world, it's me again.  I feel like I've been neglecting this blog and I really need to get my write-on, right now.  Since my last entry there has been one personal experience that I felt I should write and share with you all, as it has made an major impact on my life.  As with most stories, I'll start at the beginning.

One very sunny Friday the 13th, July 2012, I was involved in a car accident.  My boyfriend Dave and I were visiting my hometown; he was staying for the day and I for the entire weekend.  I was really excited to visit that particular weekend because one of my best friends that I grew up with and her husband were visiting from Calgary.  This would be the first time her husband and my boyfriend would meet, as Dave wasn't able to attend their wedding the previous year.  

After a long ferry ride over from Horseshoe Bay to Departure Bay terminal, my dear ol' dad picked myself, Dave and another pair of friends up, who coincidently were visiting Nanaimo that same weekend .  We dropped our friends over at my besties mom's house which is a short drive away from my parents'.  Then we left on our merry way to my childhood home.  My dad was stopped fully waiting for some oncoming traffic to pass before turning left onto our street, which is a 3-way intersection.  For a millisecond I saw in my peripherals my dad glance at the rear view mirror and make a small gesture of incoming danger.  It was an "uh" that was missing an "oh."  I at the time had been reapplying chapstick, in which I lost the cap inside the car and Dave had started to turn around to see what my dad reacted to, but never managed to fully turn around in time to see what it was.  It all happened so fast; then time went slow, then time stopped for a moment and there was nothing but an instant flood of white haziness.  Queue the shock, fear, adrenaline and etc.

I didn't move; I was in shock and worried about the state of my boyfriend and father.  I also had quite the whip lash motion and was worried what that meant for myself, but that thought didn't form right away until my dad and boyfriend exited the car.  I didn't undo my belt buckle or move until the paramedics showed up on site.  The other driver admitted he wasn't paying attention.  He explained he was a mechanic and mentioned he was distracted looking at another car.  He took full responsibility.  So him being distracted, mixed with him speeding, equals to a lot of bad luck on Friday the 13th for all involved.  

I never saw the damage to either of the vehicles and I was unsure about the state of my father and boyfriends emotional and physical well being.  I remember the stress and worry on my dad's face, as he went to grab a pen and some paper from the car.  I could hear my boyfriend outside of the car talking to the other driver, the witnesses, passing traffic and helping my dad deal with the situation at hand.  He would check on me periodically to see if I was okay and I was stuck in a mix of emotions; mostly shock.  It was explained to me that the impact from the other car had bent in the metal frame and took off the bumper from our car, and the front end of the other car was smashed in and 2 fluids were leaking out.  

The paramedics showed up on site and took me first.  They asked me a few questions, asked me to turn my neck to access the situation, put me in a neck brace, strapped me down in a stretcher and lifted me up inside the ambulance.  When I got inside the ambulance it had occurred to me that my mother was awaiting our arrival for some time; we were originally going to sit down for lunch at home.  My dad shares a cell phone with my mom, but my mom usually is the one carrying it.  So I knew no one would've called her yet.  

Now let me introduce to you Wade.  Wade was the paramedic that rode in the back of the ambulance with me.  He was an integral part of keeping me from being completely hysterical.  Since I was laid back out in the stretcher he was trying to find my Care Card out of my wallet for me, in fear that I would spill everything out.  He was unable to find it and handed it over to me.  I filtered through my cards without being able to overlook the contents of my wallet, and on my second card pull I was able to find it.  He then told me, "My wife tells me you need to have a uterus to find anything."  I would say this is true in most cases, unless I'm trying to get ready in the morning for work.  

Back to having to call my mom; Wade tries to fish out my phone, again unsuccessful and hands me my full purse.  Without fail I pull it out immediately, which is kind of a surprise for how messy and open the contents of my purse are.  I then dial my parents number and get a hold of my mom and calmly explain the situation so that both her and I don't freak out, which Wade prior to the call mentioned happens quite often in this type of situation.  The caller ends up crying hysterically putting the callee in complete panic and worry, which in turn leaves major gaps in the information being given to the callee.  I was successful in giving my mom all of the information I knew and kept calm during the call but after I hung up, it all started to settle in.  Here I was in the back of this ambulance going to the hospital and tears started to flow out of my eyes.  It wasn't the weird crying face or whimpers type of thing, just silent tears.  After I wiped away those tears, Wade and I chatted during the whole ride and we safely made it to the emergency room.

I lay waiting alone, wondering what was going on and really needing to pee.  It was a peemergency!  Shortly after, another paramedic comes along and asks me, "Do you know who's here?" and I reply "I can hear him!" and another stream of tears come out of my eyes and I smile to feel the grasp of my boyfriends hand in mine.  He too now laid out in a stretcher with a neck brace.  

I eventually tell the nurse that I need to relieve myself and she says she can't take me out of the stretcher and I would have to use a bedpan.  She wheels me to another room/office (I'm not sure what kind of room I'm in because my point of view is mostly facing the ceiling, due to being in the stretcher.)  She shuts the doors and she slips a bedpan under my heiny.  So here I am asking the nurse, "So I just go?  Like this?  It won't spill on me?" A girl has to know!  She promptly answers "Yes." and leaves the room, although I can hear someone else in the room with me...awkward.  Time for me to commit, I am ready to take a "wicked yes" and eliminate the strain on my bladder, but no matter how hard I tried to find a place of serenity, not a single drop of pee would come out.  I swear I was there for a good 15-20 mins trying to pee before I just gave up.  I had pee anxiety, or just anxiety from it all.  I don't know if I actually had to pee, or if I was coming off from the shock and my system was just being pumped full of chemical reactions to feel this way.

So I wait and wait and wait.  I get accessed by one doctor and they have to take me in for x-rays.  I wait some more.  My parents arrive, my mom hangs around for as long as possible until she had to leave for work.  My dad ended up taking the day off but he leaves to drive my mom to work (since we are now down to one car) and returns home as we coordinate for him to leave and wait for our call.  Then we wait and wait and wait.  

Finally I get wheeled into the x-ray area.  The x-ray technician asks me to move off my stretcher onto another bed under this huuuuuge x-ray machine that made me feel it would drop down on my body and crush me.  A few snaps sent up to another doctor and he confirms nothing is broken.  Whew!  Off comes the very uncomfortable neck brace that I had been wearing for hours!  I then follow up with the emergency doctor from earlier and he prescribes me a muscle relaxant for my whip lash.  My boyfriend turned out with the same injury but maybe worse since he was in the back seat of the car.  He left with a prescription for T3's I believe and he got a huge shot of it as well while we were there.  Then we were released back out into the wild and my dad picks us up at the hospital entrance.  I did not want to be in a car, but it was the only way to get home.  We get our meds from a nearby pharmacy and head home to deal with multiple phone calls and papers to report and record everything related to the accident. Our whole day is gone and Dave ends up staying overnight.  So from about 12:30 in the afternoon to about 8 something in the evening we were dealing with all of this.  

So flash forward and I'm back on the Mainland.  I take a few days off work to visit a doctor, and a physiotherapist.  Dave and I have been doing physio ever since.  A recent visit with my doctor and he says I'm getting there.  It's nice to know I'm on the road to recovery.  Although I really worry about "aftershock" effects though, if it's something that will bother me for life every now and then, or as I get older.  This is the first serious injury I have received.  I'm almost at the 2 month mark :S, although I keep being told these type of injuries take some time to heal, and with the nature of my work (desk job) even longer.  It's nice to know that even though I do still feel pain, that I am getting better.  I will be able to enjoy the lifestyle I had prior to the accident and be more active.  Going through something like this is kind of a wake up call though.

What have I learned from and since the accident? (Another excuse to make a list) 

1. Things could be worse, much worse.
2. I should keep flexing my existential muscles.
3. Laughter is the sugar that helps the medicine go down.
4. I can be more patient of a person than I ever thought I could be.
5. Cuddling a furry animal makes things a little better...okay a lot better.
6. Our health care system truly is awesome and I'm so thankful for people like Wade, and my Physiotherapist.
7. Really savour the little things, because sometimes those are the only things you are able to enjoy.
8. Vancouver slash Brooklyn based comedian Phil Hanley is really funny.
9. Kegels give you a much flatter stomach.
10. Life doesn't slow down in your mid 20's, that's when it ramps up!
11. If what I love to do is laugh and make others smile, then I should feed my soul more of that and find a way to do that daily.
12. Friday the 13th is no longer considered my lucky day.

Some of you may be wondering, "Hey, where's the super sappy part?"  I wanted to leave this for last, 'cause you guys are the cream of the crop.  Life has its ups and downs, but there is one constant I can always rely on.  The support system in my life is definitely incredible.  I'm very thankful for all my friends, family members and colleagues who have supported me throughout this entire thing.  I really have appreciated everyone who has helped me where I haven't been able to fully pick up since the accident.  You guys know who you are! Love each and everyone of you!  Any ways that's all for now folks -- more exciting things to come :).

    

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Magic Is Real

Now some of you may be thinking I'm crazy but I'm serious - magic is real!  Now I'm not talking about any type of sorcery, I'm talking about those moments in life that are so special and precious...the things that inspire us, the things that bring joy to our hearts and souls.  These are the moments I live for.  Now sometimes these magical moments are something that we ourselves can create, and other times it's something we happen to stumble into unknowingly.  Either way they usually happen unexpectedly and that's what makes it all the more magical.  

I like that life is full of surprises, that there is mystery because if I did know how my life would turn out, well that would be very boring and I think I'd be miserable hahaha.  Now I wasn't always this way.  As a kid I worried a lot about the future and that was too much worry for one kid!  I'm glad that I have changed a great deal from the worry wart and stress case I used to be.  Now I embrace challenges, change and chocolate...sorry I like alliterations hahaha.

Ever since I discovered the magic of life and started to appreciate what life had to offer, I became less fearful.  I have a lot of people to thank for that.  And since I made that transformation in my life I hope to spread that magic onto others whether it be on a small or large scale.

This blog topic reminded me of an English 12 story essay I wrote.  I think it's kind of corny, but still a good message overall. If anything it's always fun to look back at old school work!  My English teacher liked it so much she submitted it into the school newspaper.   I hope you enjoy it as well!

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Wishes

     I wished upon a star, and then wished on another.  I wished on many birthday candles. The rule is to not state your wishes after they have been made or they do not come true.  Since I was a little girl, I believed in this rule but the more I grew, I knew, that by keeping these wishes silent, I would never be heard.

    The wisps of smoke from my birthday candles sifted through the screen door.  I believed that somewhere in the smoke nestled my wish, a smoke signal of my own.  Outside the wind blew, I stared out at the clouds hoping my wish would pass through them safely.  That night I opened my window to stare at the sky.  I counted many stars and believed that my wish had reached one of the trillion stars I saw.

    "Turn wishes into dreams; dreams to goals, and goals to realities," whispered the gentle wind to the shining stars.  The wind whistled around the whole world carrying many wishes to the silent stars.  It wailed, "Please help the world below."  One shimmering star replied, "I wish we could."

    The wind blew past my window bearing the faint scent of candle smoke.  I knew that my wish had not been granted.  I learned from the wind to keep moving, to be gentle at some times, and strong at other times.

    Carrying on like the wind, another year rolled by.  I made another wish on melting wax.  Wax trickled on the birthday cake.  I blew out the candles with one breath.  My silent song was wrapped in mists of smoke, and sailed out the screen door once again.

    The moon smiled that night, as I stared out my open window.  The wind sang a song that night.  "We can wish, we can dream.  Nothing is what it seems.  Learn to live; learn to love.  Make your wishes true.  Don't depend on the stars above."  Remember this song every time you blow a candle out.

    The wise wind answered my wish and sang my song to the world.  The wind granted my wish, and so I granted the wishes of others.  In life, my true wish is for everyone that I love to be happy and to be healthy.  I'm there for my friends when times are tough and with them when they need to laugh. I also look out for those I do not know well.  I give them advice and support when they seek it.  I help my parents around the house keeping things tidy, feeding the cat, and make sure my parents don't have dishes to do after a long day's work.

    Granting these loving wishes for others gives me the best feeling in the world.  I know I have changed and even saved lives.  Wishing is harmless, but can hurt overtime if we don't take action towards our wishes.  We have to harness this energy of our desires to make all our dreams come true, rather than dwelling on them day and night.  We need to use this energy to help others.  If we keep wishing on desires that cannot be attained, we forget who we really are.  We can't all be millionaires, beauty queens, or all-star athletes.  Humans share the same emotions; some even share the same dream.  If we share our dreams with others, if we let them hear our wishes then they may come true for all.  "Turn wishes into dreams, dreams into goals, and goals to realities."

    I see many stars around me, and there are many more to come.  They are all beautiful people and hopefully one day we'll be living in a galaxy.  Each and every one of us can become a star.

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So Long Bucket List, Hello Mission Statement

Astronaut Anna Fisher, May 1985

So this entry is inspired by a few things; my last blog post, my fast approaching 25th birthday and a year full of people asking me if I'm married and/or have kids.  There's a lot of ground to cover, but I'll just lay down the foundation and hope we're on the same page all the way through! 

When some of my friends discovered I was turning 25, they made sure to tell me I have five years left before my life is over lol.  They were teasing of course, but I started to think of all the times I've heard older people who are married and/or have kids say their life was over when that happened.  There seems to be a very common theme with marriage and having a family.  Apparently it means that one has to hang up the proverbial "party hat."  I don't buy that though, I believe there's always fun to be had :).  I'm a huge optimistic including when thinking about getting older and reaching certain life milestones.  I can't say I look at being married or taking on the role of a parent to be life ending.  It's really the start of something new, and yes it will have it's own set of challenges, but that's just life!   

I'm not married and I don't have kids but it's definitely something that I want in my life eventually.  My boyfriend and I are both on the same page about marriage.  We actually feel like we're married without the rings and legal papers. 

When it comes to being asked if I'm married, there is one thing that "grinds my gears."  When people judge the strength of my relationship due to the fact that I'm not married.  How does not being married mean I'm any less committed to my boyfriend and vice versa?  Everyone decides what a relationship means to them and the meaning of marriage is different for everyone.  I have friends who are married and have kids, I have friends who are married but don't want kids, I have friends who aren't married and have kids, I have friends who are in a relationship but choose to never get married...why should we judge what works for other people?  We shouldn't act all high and mighty and let our opinions rule out they way others choose to live.  If they're happy that's all that matters!  For me, marriage won't really change a whole lot, but I feel it will be special when it happens.  It's the more fabulous version of receiving your diploma at graduation haha.  In all seriousness though I do look forward to that day and I hope that even though everyone has a different take on marriage that they will support me and my decision to get married...and as my alter ego would say, "If you don't like it then you can fuck off!"

As for children,  I freakin' love children!  I have a natural way with kids, in fact my friends daughter actually asked her if I could come over to play with her last weekend haha.  So I love kids and kids love me...why not have them right now?  As everyone should know having children is a great responsibility.  I want to ensure that if I am to have kids that I can provide the best life for them.  I really need to focus on what I'm doing now in order to do that.  I want to follow in my parents' footsteps.  I want to prepare for the future.  I intend to continue with every single ounce of opportunity they have provided me with and make the best of it!  To know where my parents come from and how they grew up really inspires me to not take life for granted.  So simply put...not right now because it's not the right time :).  And as my alter ego would say...hahaha

I was going to write up a new bucket list but then I had a bit of an epiphany.  I realized I don't need a bucket list.  Everything that I do want to accomplish is attainable and isn't outrageous (well except for that helicopter ride hahaha.)  Some of the goals on my last bucket list I had only accomplished in the last couple years.  Some of the amazing things I had accomplished over the past years weren't even on that original list.  Where I am now in my life I only see the many possibilities and ways I can meet new dreams/goals.  And if I don't do something in my life that at one point I felt I really wanted to do, it's not the end of the world either because I am ever evolving and so are my dreams and goals. 

For example, when I was a teenager I always dreamed of getting a belly button piercing or tattoo.  It was mostly influenced by my eldest sister and many of my friends since they're inked and pierced.  Although I appreciate tattoo art on other people, as I got older it wasn't important to me to get one anymore.  It's something I can happily live without.  And after learning more about belly button rings, it just seemed like a lot more work than what it was worth.  I knew too many people with belly button rings that got sick of them.  For me both of those things were a phase and I'm glad I didn't make it permanent haha.

There are a ton of things I'm proud of myself for accomplishing and there will be many more things to come.  So instead of a new bucket list I want to write a sort of personal mission statement instead...because as one genius said...it's not the things you do, it's how you do them! 

Where ever I am, whoever I'm with, whatever it'll be; I will always be me and live the life I was given, the life that I have earned and the life I will share with others.  I will lead a full and happy life no matter what challenges fall upon me.  I will expect tears, blood and sweat to be shed, but I will learn to be more resilient and I will be stronger. Even when I'm unsure of myself I will at least do myself a favor and try!  I hope to only continue to surprise myself like I have many times before.  I want to keep growing and I want to remain grounded.  I want to have a balanced life and live in harmony.  I want to share happiness, spread love and laugh everyday.  I will continue to believe in myself and stand up for myself and not tolerate mistreatment from others.

That's all I got so far, but I think it's pretty good.  So here I come 25!  Que Sera everyone and good night!

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Almost Quarter of a Century (Old Bucket List)

I can't believe that I'm almost turning 25 years old...makes me remember when I was a little girl and I thought 25 was old and hip.  Right now I just feel like I have an old hip haha...okay bad joke.  I do feel like an old man sometimes...which isn't all bad.  I get to tell kids to shut the hell up and get off my lawn.  

So I have something fun to share.  I found a VERY old bucket list of mine - something I wrote maybe when I was 7 or 8.  I thought it would be fun to share with all of you to see how well I did.  Now before I post, I should tell you I was quite a sheltered child.  I didn't receive the same opportunities as other kids, 'cause we were on a tight budget and my parents were more strict back in the day.  I was also afraid to try a lot of new things since I lacked a lot of confidence.  My friends fixed that for me during my teen years though and I've grown a lot since.  Looking at this list I can tell I didn't aim for the moon, but at the time these were "big" things I wanted to accomplish.  So without further ado, here is the list.  I've marked an "X" next to the items that I've completed.

1. Concert [x] - My first concert was Coldplay on their Viva La Vida tour with one of my bestest friends.  Saw them on their second night (June 21, 2009) in Vancouver at GM Place which is Rogers Arena now.  Here's the video compilation I made of that glorious day.  I was so excited my stomach started hurting before the concert, so much I thought I'd had to skip out on it lol.
2. Bumper cars [x] -The first time I went on bumper cars, I got stuck at a weird angle and everyone started bumping me lol.  It was on my boyfriends 22nd birthday.
3. Go karts [x] - My boyfriend surprised me one day by taking me out go karting 'cause he knew I always wanted to go.  It was pretty frightening since I did NOT wear the right shoes haha.  Made pedaling to the metal quite difficult when my heel kept slipping off since it wasn't a traditional shaped pedal (had a huge gap in the middle.)  That was summer of 2010 I believe.
4. Plane [x] - Went on a plane the first time in 2008 when I went on my first big trip (3 day Princess cruise from Vancouver to Los Angeles, 2 days Disneyland, short flight to Seattle, 1 day cruise back up to Vancouver.)  My ears ending up plugging really bad.  Apparently I'm quite sensitive to elevation changes and basically all the tricks to stop it from hurting don't work for me :(.
5. River [x] - My river experience was during one camping trip with one of my best friends.  We camped one summer with her mom and older sister over at Englishmen River which is on Vancouver Island.  That was one great trip :).  That was also the first time I saw a girl in a thong bikini lol.  It was also the same river I visited with my parents and one of my best friends.  I warned my dad it would be slippery when he wanted to jump onto some rocks in the middle of the water...he didn't listen and he slipped right in...we laughed.  Don't worry it was shallow enough he wouldn't get sucked away and it was deep enough so he wouldn't break his skull.
6. Motor boat [x] -  I went on my first motor boat in 2008 for an awesome crab cookout at Alouette Lake with a bunch of friends.  We boated out to a private shore, made a fire and boiled some yummy yummy crabs :)
7. Bumper boats [x] - I had an awesome time on bumper boats during my friends 15th birthday.  We went over to Parksville BC for mini-golfing and bumper boats :).
8. Helicopter [ ] - Maybe one day?  I don't really know why I put it on here 'cause there's a good chance it'll never happen but would it ever be sweet to launch from a helipad!
9. Camping [x] - I went camping for the first time when I was 14 with 2 of my best friends and their family.  It was a pretty wicked time sleeping under the stars, watching the sunrise, going on an unsupervised water rafting trip in a very shallow river with jumping fish, dive bombing birds leading out to the ocean that had waves sucking us away from shore with a leaky raft hahaha.
10. Limo [x] - For a first time in a limo it wasn't a very happy time.  It was for my aunt's funeral :(.
11. Newspaper [x] - I was in the local newspaper for the first time with my sisters when I was 8 for feeding the ducks at the marsh.  Front page baby!  It was weird being the center of attention at school that morning.
12. Thrill rides [x] - I can't remember when I went on my first thrill ride.  I'm pretty sure it was at Playland/PNE with my parents and sisters.  I do remember going on the pirate ship for the first time and screaming "get me down, get me down!"  I hated that feeling in my stomach when the boat would hang in the air for a second and swing on down.
13. Be on TV [x] - When visiting a Richmond mall one day for a day trip with my parents, a chocolate store spotted my sisters and I and asked us to be part of their commercial.  They handed me a helium balloon and got us to prance around the store working our magic.  It aired on Fairchild TV which is a Vancouver/Toronto based Chinese TV station.  I was also on the local TV station when they were airing a parade I got to participate in.  It was fun waving to crowd.
14. Piano [x] - I took piano lessons when I was 8, but I didn't like it and quit haha.  I mostly got frustrated 'cause my eldest sister teased me a lot. She is definitely a lot more musically talented but she was really hard on me when I started lessons.
15. Karate [x] - I took Karate lessons when I was 11/12.  The first couple lessons were free, but to pay for them was quite expensive so I had to quit.  It wasn't all bad 'cause my dad would teach me Kung Fu.
16. Choir [x] - I was in and out of choirs in elementary school and joined up once during highschool for a Christmas choir.  I had a blast :).
17. Ukelele [x] - I learned ukelele from my grade 4 teacher.  I can still play "Ode to Joy"...but I'm definitely no ukewonder. I used to practice so much until my fingers blistered...I really loved ukelele at the time. 
18. School play [x] - When I was super young I participated in cutesy roles for Charlottes Web and West Side Story - it was only the grade 6 and 7 kids that got to audition for speaking roles.  My elementary school only put on a larger production every 2 years.  My grade 7 year was one of those and I got to audition for the musical, Wizard of Oz.  I prepared and ended up memorizing all the lines given for the audition.  I ended up with the role of Chief Munchkin...I truly believe I got type cast because of my short height.  I really wanted to play the Good Witch of the North...oh well :P.  For a couple years I adopted the nickname Chinese Munchkin.
19. Chinese dance [x] - I learned Chinese dancing when I was younger - the fans, the long ribbon, the tea cups...I couldn't continue 'cause my mom thought I was too young to keep up with the older girls when I had joined, but I learned some moves from my sisters and just from watching them practice during class.  I did get to dress up for some of the events (parades and performances) so it wasn't all bad :).
20. Win a contest [x] - The only contest I have won, was an art contest for BC Hydro.  Every year I would make a safety poster featuring a dog mother and son teaching him what not to do around the house concerning household appliances.  Every year I entered, I won a glow in the dark Louie the light bug digital watch...holla!
21. Straight A's [x] - The first time I got straight A's was in high school.  I mostly got honor roll...getting list of distinction happened when I had all my favourite classes in the same semester.  I think it was Art, English, Information Technology and Computer Animation...go figure :P.
22. Swimming with your clothes on [x] - There had been plenty of times when my girlfriends and I would jump into a local dam with all of our clothes on.  Fun times!  Those are the summers I will never forget!

Out of that list I actually accomplished everything but riding in a helicopter.  That's pretty good - although I think I set my sights low at the time.  Although at the time those were pretty big things to me.  I think next post I'm going to make shiny new bucket list!  In the meantime hope you all are doing well.  Thanks for reading!  Much love to you all!

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Where Would I Be Without Music?

I realized I haven't blogged in 4 months and it has been around 2 or 3 months since I've made any videos.  I'm slowly falling off the face of the internet.  I cheated on Twitter with Facebook as a way to reconnect with people again after abandoning Facebook for a long time.  One friend even commented saying this was the most active they've seen me on FB haha.  Then recently a friend of mine that I met through YouTube messaged me on Twitter and it led us to reconnect on Facebook.  I guess I'm not good at keeping my social media life well balanced :P.  As I said when I first began this blog..."blogging is just so much easier", so if it is, I might as well do it!

So some of you might be wondering where I've been.  I'm kind of a weird one...I tend to disappear when something is going on in my life (either bad or good), just as a way to focus on the situation, or a way to escape, 'cause we all need to get some fresh air every once in a while.  I think I'm ready for an internet comeback though starting with this post :-).  

I wanted to dedicate this post to music that I love.  It helps me get through tough times, and it makes good days even better...you can often find me in my cubicle at work or in transit bopping my head to the music or trying to sing along haha.  I love hunting for new music, and when you do find that song you thought you only heard in your dreams - it's like falling in love for the first time...at least for me :P.  I love to share music, because I hope that people feel that same magical connection with a song too and it makes them just as happy.  I used to share a lot of music on Twitter and when I was reintroducing my face on Facebook I went and decided to share music...lots of music...I had a theme everyday.  Some of my favourite themes included: Memory Lane Monday, Whistling Wednesday, and Soundtrack Saturday...I also love alliteration.  Anyways without further ado some songs that made my heart melt and were stuck on repeat.


Flight Facilities - Crave You ft. Giselle: I was actually eating a popsicle on a hot summer day coming across this track.  It's cute, fun and addicting. 


Memoryhouse - Foreground: This is actually a cover by Memoryhouse.  The original is by Grizzly Bear.  I love how hauntingly chill this sounds.  


Neon Indian - Polish Girl:  I feel like I'm on a space adventure where there are dance parties and smoke machines.  This one just brings a smile to my face.


Hammock - Tristia:  Sometimes songs are better without lyrics.  If there were words I think it would say "Things will get better.  We're in it together."  Cheesy I know...but give it a listen and see for yourself.


Goldfrapp - It's Not Over Yet:  Sad and beautiful cover by Goldfrapp.  I like all the instruments and the emotion in the vocals. 


Lana Del Rey - Video Games:  An old Hollywood star reincarnated in this 25 year old beauty by the stage name of Lana Del Rey.  Love her voice, love her songs.  How perfect this song is called video games...


 

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An Indie Game Developers Girlfriend

A friend of mine linked me an article today which mentioned my boyfriends and friends recently released iOS game Tobor.  Meat Boy dev has mixed feelings about iOS knock-offs

As you can see from the title of the article and upon reading it, you don't get strong warm and fuzzy feelings from the writer.  There is a lot of negativity being generated from this article, some of which can be seen in the comments (although not all comments are negative and/or ignorant, which is nice to see.)  I felt I needed to share my opinion and feelings on the matter, not only discussing the other side of the argument, but basically my perspective on the bigger picture.   

Just to give a bit of background to those who do not know me.  I've been playing and loving video games since the age of 4.  I attended school for Game Art and Design and have been working as a Tech Artist for nearly 5 years. So I guess I know a bit about video games and game development.

Like many other industries, the gaming industry has suffered greatly because of the recession.  This resulted to the cancellation of many game projects, massive layoffs and game studios having to shut down.  I think we can all agree the recession sucks! 

It's a tough life to pursue the dream of being a video game developer.  Definitely not an easy road by any means.  So now with the result of the recession, there's a bunch of talented people sitting around unemployed, unable to find jobs because there's not a major demand and there's heaps of people who are all racing for the next available job posting.  

Game development isn't just for those who want to make the next major console/PC title.  There's a whole other world to explore!  The world of indie developers is large and continually growing.  It's a really cool community and everyone seems to be very supportive of each other - although this type of game development isn't for everyone. 

Making games isn't just a hobby, for most it's a true passion.  It takes a lot of hard work/effort to make an indie game or any game for that matter.  You can go to school to study how to make games, but a lot of the things you do learn, are from your peers, from personal research and experience.  You most definitely have to be passionate to pursue indie game development full-time, as you don't have the luxuries that come with working for a company or even some of the assurances you get from doing freelance work.  It's tough stuff!

Back to the article.  The writers opinion, is one of which I obviously do not share but thanks for the exposure!  Any publicity is good publicity!  As you can tell I'm an optimist haha.  The game has similarities, yes but I don't see how it's a bad thing to be inspired by and develop something that people already enjoy.  Look at Tetris, Bejeweled, Pac-man, Space Invaders...all fun games which have inspired many game developers to make similar games.  Looking back, the two first games I've made were an Asteroids and a Frogger game.  In the article they even mentioned Edmund McMillen, co-creator of Super Meat Boy felt really flattered and wasn't bothered by it.  Some comments posted on the article even point out the fact that SMB is inspired by Jumper 2.  So why should anyone sweat the fact games are similar?  This is not news...most of everything is inspired by something else.

We can also look at this as a learning experience too!  There's so much that you learn from making your own game because you're doing more than one job, and especially if you're trying to make an indie game for the first time (which was my boyfriends case.)  You should really try it out if you're interested in pursuing this as a career.  It totally helps if you're planning to attend a program in college/university related to this field. 

People need to realize, indie developers not only put in a lot of time and effort into these games, but also a lot of their own money!  0.99 cents for a game isn't asking much.  Many people who have bought and played the game have really liked it.  If the game is fun to play, the only reason you should complain is because you reached a level that seems impossible to beat, but your 7 year old niece completed it with ease.  I don't expect to change anyone's mind who thought negatively about the game - I just want to spread some positivity around!   

Also I just want to say to my boyfriend...you're truly incredible!  You never gave up on your dreams and passions and that is an amazing accomplishment on its own.  You embody so many amazing qualities and inspire me everyday.  The strength, courage and compassion you carry in all aspects of your life, helps me push past my own boundaries.  I don't say it often enough but I am so proud of you!  I'm proud to say I'm an indie game developers girlfriend! (Ya it just got mushy up in here lol.)

To everyone else, please support indie developers.  Come to appreciate all the hard work that goes into making these wonderful titles!  Thank you to those of you who already do!  And most importantly stay positive and have fun!  Thanks for reading! (That's a lot of exclamation points haha.)

Also I should mention if you're interested, Tobor can be purchased here:
Tobor App Store Page

Also here are some of my favourite comments posted on the Destructoid article.  Thanks for your support!:

"Tobor is a very fun game, sure it is similar to SMB, which I also played, but super adventure island was similar to super mario brothers. Both were sweet. Why does everyone do this bulls*** argument. If the game is good, its good. Tobor is filling a void on IOS that SMB was not. So get over it friends." - nickervision

"Tobor is a great game that emulates hardcore gaming on the IOS. Although the game has been out for three days i have been addicted to the to the challenges TOBOR brings to the table.. for a game that costs 99 cents i see it as money well spent." - MrMcpwn

"Lets leave emotions out of this. Comment about s*** game play if you have played it, otherwise your opinion is null and void. What's the same and what's different?
Similarities: jumper platform, block shaped character, avoid blades
Differences: Console, motion controls instead of arrow keys/keyboard (which demands a whole different coding element.) game play is intuitive in it's own right with the motion controls. The reward system is different and bronze through diamond according to performance.
Graphics are unique and reminiscent of 50's retro design. For 99c this game is worth it and fulfills a gap in the market. Every platformer appropriates ideas. Choice and variety is what makes life interesting." - PostPaint

Here's to everyone who has to battle evil robots!

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Not Exactly Dinner Conversation

This is going to be more of a personal entry.  I thought I was on a roll again to vlog more on a weekly basis and then life happened all over again haha.  I came down with a bad flu, I had many projects on the go, events to attend and some to organize.  Why does life always happen all at once, when you think things are about to settle down?  Anyways I have a lot of thoughts that I felt the need to jot down and share with the world.

I've been reflecting a lot about life recently.  About where I've been and where I want to be.  I'm constantly thinking about life, but more-so than usual.  I have gotten sick more frequently this year.  This last time I started feeling sick at work I was totally unable to function properly.  I went to a drop in clinic to talk with a doctor just to see if anything else was going on other than the standard flu or cold.  She was saying that stress could be the cause of why I was getting sick so often.  I started thinking about what could be affecting me.  I realized even though I was tricking my brain into thinking optimistically my body could not be fooled.

It's really strange because I don't feel stressed, but there are definitely some events in my life that if looked upon would be deemed as stressful.  At the moment though I feel like life is like one big party.  There is a lot to be celebrating about, even though our beloved Canucks didn't win game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals against the Bruins.  Life has so much to offer and I'm always open to new things and meeting new people of all walks of life.

I really don't know what it is about me, but I've had the pleasure of many strangers starting conversations with me, new faces confiding in me, asking for my advice or just asking for my help in general.  I guess I have one of those friendly faces?  It's really nice that I can offer my wisdom to others or just have a simple conversation with a complete stranger.  It's a refreshing feeling to feel connected with someone you just met.

Recently I had one woman, named Debbie start a conversation with me while I was waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up one Friday evening.  I guess she just wanted someone to talk to as there were some personal things in her life affecting her.  At one point of the conversation she asked me if I was religious.  I told her that I wasn't and she was very surprised.  I believe her response was, "Oh really!  I'm surprised, because you're so nice."  I smiled and just said thank you.  If you know me personally you would know that I had not grown up in a religious household, although my parents are fairly traditional.  I guess that's just part of them growing up in Hong Kong, living and learning as they did and being the wonderful people they are.  Despite my parents not being religious they were able to instill good values and morals in myself and my sisters.  They both have such huge hearts, and they carry a lot of strength and wisdom.  My parents never had anything against those who were religious, it's just that they simply weren't.  I grew up embracing all cultures and religions that came my way.  I had the opportunity of visiting the Sikh temple.  I got to wear my hair up in a scarf,  sit on the plush carpet floor and listen to a Hindu reading, watch my friend sing and perform on a traditional instrument, and eat some traditional foods.  I also had visited a Native long house, where I listened to some native folk lore, watching some traditional dances, breathing in all the smoke and eating some banok!  Even today I learn about Catholicism, attending my boyfriends nephew's communion and my friends Catholic wedding ceremony, in which most of everything was spoken in Vietnamese, (good thing I got the English version first :P.)  I am friends with people of all different beliefs, cultural and religious backgrounds.  The only thing that matters to me is if you accept me as I am; to not judge me based on my own personal beliefs and most importantly have a good heart and are open minded.  I am constantly learning and always willing to learn more about everything life has to offer.

Anyways this one recent conversation reminded me of another conversation with one gentleman I had met waiting for the Skytrain.  It was one very cold winter day, before work, about 5 years ago.  I guess I had looked sad, but in reality I was just very cold and trying to keep my face warm haha.  He asked me if I was okay and it all started from there.  I learned that he had been mentally disabled from a young age due to an unfortunate primary school incident.  He had a speech impediment as he had lost full control of the muscles in his face, obviously due to the damage to his brain.  Since that incident, his life started to take many tumbles including mistreatment from his family members, and society in general.  Later on in our conversation he asked me what I believed in, and I replied that I was unsure, that I didn't want to settle on one belief because there are so many good things that this world has to offer.  He wasn't religious but he led on to tell me that he believed that even though the majority of his life had presented him more bad than good, that he strongly believed someone was looking over him and that he was very grateful for what he had.  This to me was very touching and has since affected me in a positive way.  It was funny because I had made a great connection with an unlikely individual, all in a short 5 train stops.

I think this chain of events just wanted me to remind of that moment, those feelings and thoughts.  It's really strange how things work eh?  I am grateful and appreciative of the things in my life.  I am always looking forward to see what is next.  And on that note I am going to stop writing.  I hope you enjoyed this post, and maybe it will remind you of all the wonderful things in life :).

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Bob's Burgers & Growing Up In A Restaurant

I have come across the great new animated sitcom called Bob's Burgers and I got to say it hit every funny bone in my body. Basically the show is about a family who run a struggling burger joint. The family consists of husband and wife, Bob and Linda and their 3 children Tina, Gene and Louise.

It's been a while since I've tuned in regularly to catch a new episode of an animated series. Some of my favourite animated series include Futurama (which has been kicking ass since it's resurrection), South Park (so ridiculous but truly smart comedy if you can understand the underlying messages)...I have an on and off again relationship with The Simpsons (I appreciate early seasons, but it's slowly making a comeback from it's downward spiral)...those are just a few I can think off the top of my head. I grew to hate Family Guy and it's okay if you hate me for it, but c'mon can you not agree that it lost touch after the first few seasons? And don't get me started on the abomination that is The Cleveland Show...ANYWAYS moving on!


Every episode has never failed to keep me wanting more. Sometimes I wish the episodes would run longer. I think what I love about this show the most is the different types of humour that each character offers and their relationships with one another. Whenever I see a show on TV involving a family, a lot the time it's about a very dysfunctional family. I think the enjoyability of this program is seeing a very cute and quirky family work together to solve the problems they encounter. Plus the jokes are right up my alley - it's almost like a piece of my personality is in each of these characters haha (strange I know.)

I sometimes think that this family reminds me of my own quirky family. My family used to own and operate a Chinese cuisine restaurant. You have my loving dad, my cute mom, my eccentric older sister, my funny middle sister and my carefree young self. I guess I appreciate this show more because I can identify with the feelings of running a family business. I never really worked in the restaurant though...I was just sort of there to entertain the customers, play with my sisters and train my fish named Smorgasboard, tricks.


I have many fond memories and moments growing up in that place like making old fashioned milk shakes, feeding the pacu (cousin to the piranha) prawn or chicken drumsticks, staring at the spot where a bullet bent the window, throwing a time capsule Popsicle stick up into the rafters, pranking Dwayne the delivery boy by sneaking salt into his Sprite, pretending to be a server asking customers if they wanted to sit in the smoking or non-smoking section, watch my oldest sister sing and play guitar of the New Kids on the Block version of Happy Birthday to one of the customers, sitting on top of the deep freeze and feeling tall, celebrating Chinese New Years with real dragon dancers and chinese drums, watching my dad chop veggies like a pro...and much much more.


But enough about me haha. You have to check out Bob's Burgers Sundays on FOX at 8:30 PM PST/7:30 PM C. I can't do the show any justice by writing about it, you're going to have get your butt off the computer chair and onto the couch and see for yourself. That's it from me...talking about the restaurant has made me hungry! Bye for now.

Love,
Carla

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Refreshing Ye Ol' User Name

So I've been inspired to write a new blog by fellow blogger and best friend Laura AKA bubbasmi. I haven't done so since I went away on Christmas vacation.

I just wanted to keep this post short and sweet and just acknowledge the fact that I'm slowly going through the process of switching over to my new user name "carmahdee" in place of "karmadee888". I was never really happy with karmadee888, even though how similar it is. I really didn't like the 8's...I hate having numbers in a user name, especially when I don't necessarily identify with the number other than being my favorite/lucky number.

I kind of got inspired to do this refresh because I hated the direction my two YouTube channels were going. One was mostly vlogs, a few little video compilations and very few creative skits. The other channel was used for recorded gaming sessions and entertainment news. I kept thinking how much I disliked managing two channels, but only really created the 2nd channel to acquire a better "brand."

So now that I'm re-branding I feel that carmahdee is just a simplified way of putting my first and last name together and adding "dee" for "design" or for the play on "chickaDEE" one of my favorite birds that I grew up with. In the end the 8's just seemed cluttered.

I also got inspired by a lovely YouTuber named Courtney who recently reinvented her YouTube channel and goes by "courtneypants". Her original user name was "sailme90" which she also just grew out of. Despite the fact I'm sure she loves the videos that are on her older channel, the user name just didn't mean as much to her anymore.

So this is my reasoning behind switching up the names - combining the two channels together and hopefully spitting out brand new content which is more in tune with my joy of creating video content. I want to provide entertaining video content about the stuff I like and document my life at the same time, in one place.

I know I'll lose some subscribers and all the views I've acquired over the years, but I'm okay with that. I know the ones who do enjoy what I do will stick with me and that means a lot. It was never really about the number of subscribers and view count for me anyways. Thank you to those who have supported me thus far. I truly do appreciate all your feedback, comments and "likes". You're the bomb-diggity. So on that note, please subscribe to my very empty and plain channel http://www.youtube.com/user/carmahdee and stay tuned for some fresh new content from yours truly!

Love,
Carla

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America's Next Top Relatable Model: Ann Ward/ Bullying Sucks: It Will Get Better

I never thought I'd be writing a post like this as it exposes one of my "secret shames."  You may be more familiar with the term closet geek, but I am the opposite of that, I suppose I'm a closet girly girl...sort of. I do like to dress up and play around with make-up, hair and nails but when it comes to media related things such as chick flicks, girly shows, womens magazines and "Britney Spearsesque" music I tend to be less open in sharing these things. I guess most of the reason is because most of my friends are guys who don't really care to talk outside games, geekery, sexy babes and sports. I guess this blog is a good place to release that girly build-up...in which I won't refer to as girly build-up anymore 'cause that just sounds gross lol.

So I'm coming out of the girly girl closet hahaha

So I haven't followed America's Next Top Model closely for quite some time. I watched the first two or so seasons and eventually lost interest which was probably due to some bitchiness or cattiness among the contestants or general bad feelings I got when I watched the show.  I then checked in again when one season featured shorter models, but never really followed all the way through.  This season though, Tyra Banks kicked it up 10 notches by offering some huge prizes, which included:

1) A contract with IMG Models, one of the top international modeling management companies in the world.
2) A fashion spread in Vogue Italia and an additional spread and cover of Beauty in Vogue.
3) A $100,000 contract with Cover Girl Cosmetics.
4) And some new found confidence!

It's time to get serious because the stakes are high!

So my closet girliness was intrigued and tuned in to watch the entire season of America's Next Top Model Cycle 15. I was hooked mostly because I was rooting for 19 year old, Ann Ward from Dallas, Texas, who caught my interest immediately. For me she was completely relatable. I once was her; completely shy, bullied in high school, lacked confidence, and was uniquely awkward. Apparently Ann Ward caused some controversy before the season even aired, which I didn't read about until after the season was over. A promo for ANTM had featured Tyra commenting on Ann's small waist. People from all over were flaming Tyra for promoting unhealthy bodies, which was not the case and Tyra defended her case by stating, "As a leader in celebrating and promoting healthy body image, I must admit that I regrettably didn’t see this clip before it was released to the public. But on behalf of the Top Model team, these were not the intentions, and we truly apologize for any confusion, anger or disappointment it may have caused." I guess all that complained didn't watch the "KISS MY FAT ASS!!" Tyra show episode.

Ann Ward had been teased and bullied for being thin and being blessed with a height of 6'2".  It never mattered what any of those bullies said to Ann, because she truly came out on top.  She was the first in ANTM history to receive top photo 5 times consecutively and by the end of the competition was announced the winner of ANTM cycle 15.  This was the first time I was actually overjoyed about an ANTM winner. Ann is very talented, beautiful and has an amazing future ahead of her! (Side note: I also read that Ann plays video games which makes me love her even more!)

Ann Ward's photo from the Matthew Rolston photo shoot

I know how it is to be bullied for being thin from experience and some may think it's not as bad as being bullied for being overweight but in the end bullying is bullying no matter what, where and who does it. I was bullied and teased for a lot of different things and of course this includes things I couldn't change about myself, (like being short or Asian.  How messed up is that?)  My peers were feeding me a lot of negativity and I had grown to believe that there was something horribly wrong with me. I was a thin girl growing up, but it wasn't unhealthy; it was a mixture of my parents genes, a healthy diet, my youths metabolism and a mixture of physical education. I was naturally thin, but it didn't stop girls from accusing me for being bulimic or anorexic.  For me the bullying started in elementary school; I got my first taste of how nasty girls can be, which is not far off from the movie "Mean Girls."

The lamest creation of an evil teenage girl is the 3-way call phone trap...

So I got bullied and teased by boys and girls, some I knew and some I didn't even know at all.  End of elementary and all throughout high school I was pretty insecure with myself, but it wasn't all bad.  A lot of good came from that experience.  I was able to channel all that teenage angst creatively (as seen below.)  I saw the world with different eyes and experienced it in a way that made me who I am today, so for that I am thankful.

Look what I made mom!  Me at 17 once again haha.

I attended college in the fall after high school graduation. It was a new beginning for me as I was moving to a whole new city and could gain a brand new perspective.  I knew I couldn't think so negatively about myself anymore and started transforming all of the negative thoughts into positive ones.  I started to enjoy myself more and worried less of what others thought.  I learned a whole heck of a lot during those years, met some amazingly awesome people who I consider the best people on this planet, learned to love and believe in myself and also found great love at the same time :).  I gradually transformed into someone with higher self-esteem and confidence.  It really is true when they say "It will get better."  Even though that's the message/slogan for the gay rights/anti-suicide campaign, it applies to all aspects of bullying.  I have my family and close friends to thank for being there and supporting me during my young years when I was bullied.  To anyone who is a subject to bullying, don't be afraid to talk to someone about it.  I can wholeheartedly say...it will get better and that's a promise!

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Top 5 And A Half Things That Make Me Happy

I always get contemplative around this time of year.  2010 is almost at an end, and I'll be turning a year older this upcoming Thursday.

The Chinese weren't lying when they said the Year of the Tiger would be a challenging one.  You'd think being born a Tiger would bring some luck to this year.  So yes this year has been challenging and I face another challenge even today haha...oh what surprises life likes to throw at us.  The year's not over so anything can happen right?

Though times are tough, I've been able to remain strong by keeping positive and by enjoying all the lovely things that life has to offer me.  Today I'm inspired to write up my "Top 5 And A Half Things That Make Me Happy" list (in no particular order.)


Family & Friends:   From my intermediate family, to my boyfriends family and my closest friends which I consider like my family; all of you are beautiful, inside and out.  You have all been incredibly supportive throughout this year and so inspiring.  Together we've shared some scary, sad and life changing moments.  Although times were and still are difficult, I think the strength and love we have for one another holds us together to face any challenge that may come our way.  Like my Foosball nickname in college...I aim to be a brick wall of China for you in times of trouble and dismay.  Thank you for everything, from the bottom of my heart; love you all dearly...enough with the mushiness now :P.

My Wii family..or wee family if we're talking about height :P.

Music:  What would I do without music?  Music is therapy for me.  One day when I was sharing music with one my colleagues, they said to me "so this is why you're always so happy."  If I'm ever in a less than good mood, I can always zone out with my headphones on and enter a state of bliss.  I'm happy to share any track that I like, as you can see if you follow me on Twitter.  I do enjoy singing as well, although I'm no Christina Aguilera by any means.  It's fun to sing along to a song, even if I don't know most of the lyrics...mostly I just like making up silly, random songs, which some of you have been witness to before.  Hopefully if I can get some equipment together, I can start making some of my own music too, (although none with me singing haha) :).

Playing The Beatles: Rock Band with my dad and boyfriend :).

I still have those same headphones now.  I am 17 in this pic...the years have flown by!

Food:  So this may be a huge surprise *sarcastic*.  I've been coined as the "Food Monster" by my lovely boyfriend.  I eat...I eat a lot...I eat a lot for a person my size...feeding me is like, feeding that monster you've been hiding in your closet from your parents because they wouldn't let you have that puppy and then your parents wonder where all the meat disappeared to from the deep freeze.  I have been better with my food portions as I am more health conscious and want to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  But beyond the nutritional goodness and tastiness of these foods...I love that food brings people together.  Food = lots of good times and memories.

Not so health conscious in this photo as I devour my lobster steak dinner on my dad's b-day last year.

Nature and Wildlife:  Being close to nature and seeing animals in their natural habitat is an amazing experience to share with others.  It's breathtaking to walk along a trail and come across a doe and her young (*sings* doe a deer a female deer.)  I like to escape from the hustle and bustle of the city...and just listen to the birds chirp.  You can see my reaction to the beauty of nature in this video where I luckily caught 2 blue herons at a marsh while I walked the dogs with my dad.  It was kind of a double rainbow moment I would say :P.

Movies/Film:  Movies capture a lot of the other things I love, including some of the things I can't fit on this list.  Sometimes watching the right movie can make you feel happier than before you started watching it.  Sometimes a movie will leave in stitches from laughing so hard.  Sometimes the visuals may leave you captivated and inspired to do something creative or try something new.  Sometimes the soundtrack will lead you to discover wonderful new artists to add to your play list.  I think most people have a selection of movies that they hold dear to their heart for many different reasons.  My all time fave is Spirited Away, as I've mentioned many a time.  The animation, story and music is fascinating, uplifting, and all around amazing.  This is a movie I related to when I was making the transition to college and my life away from home.  I try to share this film with as many people as I can :P...and so I leave you with a trailer of Spirited Away! 

Aha some of you may have thought I was done writing, but if you were counting then you would know I have half of something left which makes me happy.  It's not really half a thing, it's definitely a huge part of everything that brings me joy.  Here's my secret to happiness...I ultimately love making others happy.  To share music to raise each others spirits, to be in the company of others when enjoying a meal, to experience rare moments of natural beauty with others, to connect and share feelings with others through film, and overall just spending time with the people I love.  These are just little things...not big huge fancy things...but like one person said, it's the little things that count.  This extends out to people I've never met.  If I can lend money to someone in need of a meal, or help a person cross the street, any positive difference I can make to another person is what brings me happiness.  I don't think there's a better feeling than making someones day a little bit brighter, even if it's as simple as saying "hello".  So to wrap up this blog entry, I hope this made your day a little bit brighter and you too are able to find the things that make you happy when you're having a bad day or year for that matter.  Thanks for reading! 

If you should feel so inspired, I'd like to see posts from others about the things that make you happy :)...because that would make me happy :). Also this list could have been 100x longer :P.

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2010 Wish List of a Girly Gamer Geek

All in all I wouldn't consider myself as a superficial or materialist person, but as December nears closer I can't help but think of all the wonderful and sparkly things that the humble hoarder inside of me wants.  I was talking with my sister Emily recently and I had remembered that I needed her wish list for this upcoming Christmas, which then prompted her to remind me that she needed mine as well.  Since I have this lovely blog and need to share this list with more than one person and my birthday is also coming up *wink wink* might as well utilize it and display my 2010 Birthday/Christmas wish list.  Now without further ado here is my 2010 Wish List in no particular order :).


1) Crystal Fighters - Star of Love Album is first up on the list.  This is a group that was featured on musigh.  I fell in love with this album immediately after my first listen.  I listened to this album every day at work for the last little while as it helped me keep focus as I multi-tasked up a storm.  I really want to take this album with me wherever I go as it puts me in such a great mood whenever I listen to it.  The album only seems to be sold in the UK so it can only be acquired via iTunes (lame!) and via the interwebs off the HMV site. Shipping and handling fees are a few of my favourite things (not!)  You can stream Star of Love via Sound Cloud, which I've embedded below.  Take a listen while you peruse through the rest of this wish list.  My fave song off the album is "At Home", which is very fitting of the holiday season.

2) Fable III:  And at number 2 is Fable III.  I didn't play Fable I, I'm almost done Fable II, and I'm excited to get my hands on Fable III.  I love everything about Fable II, all but one thing; is it just me or does the menu design suck major ass?  Let's hope this is something they've improved in this third installment.  I am making it a goal to finish Fable II before November is up but my time has filled up recently with birthdays, crafting, shopping and life :P.

I'll have lots of free time around Christmas to play this as I've booked off 2 weeks vacation time.

3) Murchies Libre To Go Gift Set:  This gift set is a huge tease (teas)...get it!  Okay enough with the puns, (although I do enjoy myself a good pun.)  After having discovered an awesome American tea store called Teavana, during my business trip to Las Vegas, I wanted to discover something closer to home and found Murchies, which has been around since 1894.  This great gift set features their blueberry green tea, raspberry black tea and their afternoon blend, which is a mixture of their black teas.  It also comes with this awesome tea tumbler that is double walled to keep your tea hot for hours, includes a tea strainer to keep the loose leaves out of your tea and a tight screw top for maximum leakage protection.  My best friend Laura purchased this exact tumbler, (apart from the design) over at Whole Foods a while back and I've been wanting one ever since.  This gift set is available in store at their 6 locations and via their site.

What a lovely basket

The tumbler of tea champions

4) Learning ActionScript 3.0 - A Beginners's Guide by Rich Shupe with Zevan Rosser:  I haven't touched ActionScript since high school.  Back then there was only ActionScript 2.0.  I really want to refresh my skills and make some cool interactive Flash games.  I browsed around the interwebs and saw others recommending this book for people like me.  Time to throw the AS3 n00b status out the door yo! 

A frosty cover perfect for winter

5) A Big Box of Mandarin Oranges:  I fucking love these.  I could eat them every day.  I could and probably have at some point eaten a whole box to myself.  I am the "Food Monster" for a reason.  My mom likes to put one of these in the toe of our stockings for good luck.  Not sure what the origin of that is...maybe it's just something my mom made up?  Anyways these are delicious and I would be happy if this was the only thing I got for Christmas. 

LOOOOOOVE THESE!

6) Canon PowerShot S95:  It's been a while since I've went around and taken some photos.  A lot of this is due to past equipment that was more frustrating than fun to use.  I was reading up about digital point and shoot cameras and the Canon PowerShot S95 called my name.  It has a line-up of sexy features that meet all my camera needs including capturing HD video.  It's currently on sale at Future Shop.

Sleek and compact design...soooo sexy!

This will be my reaction if I am so lucky to receive such a lovely gift.

7) Urban Decay Naked Palette: Every now and then I throw some make-up on my face to accentuate my features.  I have brown eyes, which can be paired with most eyeshadow colours, but I like to keep everything natural on a normal day.  Urban Decay Naked Palette has been sold out every time I venture over to Sephora and is seemingly impossible to acquire.  The 12 shades look absolutely gorgeous and right up my alley.  It also comes with Urban Decay's famous Eyeshadow Primer Potion to make eye colour more brilliant and 2 convenient eyeliners.

They say the eyes are the windows to your soul...or bigger than your stomach...or bigger than your wallet...or your wallets soul

8) Brilliance Found - Feather Wrap Ring: I love my rings dearly.  When I forget to put my rings on it makes me sad.  I currently have 2 rings I wear often.  I have one which I acquired from a kiosk during the time I attended college.  It's sterling silver and features little elephants.  I love elephants which are considered lucky in India.  To me this ring symbolizes a time of independence and strength.  I bought my other ring from the cruise ship during my big trip 2 years ago.  It's also sterling silver and is a simple band which has a nice wave shape to it.  This ring for me symbolizes my "go with the flow" attitude and the milestone of going on my first big trip.  Enough about my old rings!

This feather ring would symbolize a lot of things for me.  I love nature, always grew up around it and always loved birds.  If you didn't know already, the "dee" in my username comes from chickadee, which are very cute birds I grew up around.  My favourite type of bird are crows and there's a lot more meaning behind that, which I won't go into right now.  Brilliance Found is a store posted on Etsy.  I had heard about this store from a friend (the one that bought me the OPI nail polish.)  This store has a lot of beautiful creations posted up which you should definitely check out.  The fact this jeweler is local makes me like it even more. 

I would flap my wings if I had them if I had this ring

They also have this ring created by Foxy Originals which is a Canadian company that started off with two girls that were passionate about creating their own jewelry during their teen years.  They are now supremely successful having been featured in O Magazine and their jewelry worn by some very famous celebrities.

9) Professor Layton and the Lost Future:  And now presenting the last item of the list.  I love the Professor Layton games.  The cute art, the story, the puzzles and music....everything about of them makes me happy.  I've finished playing The Curious Village and The Diabolic Box, which leads me to want to get my hands on the third game The Lost Future.  

Need it, want it, got to have it!

I hope you enjoyed seeing and reading through my wish list and even spotted something you might like for yourself, girlfriend, friend or family member. 

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