Everlasting Love and Strength

Rainbows over Little Shuswap Lake in Chase BC. © Marvin Beatty Photography, 2011 

Your love, strength and beauty radiates and resides in your family and friends, and will carry on in your children and your children's children.

I woke up with those words on the morning of the day she had passed away.  My mother-in-law Cathy had passed away recently from a 2 year long battle with cancer.  Over the recent time she had spent in the hospital and hospice I was lucky enough to spend quality time with her and say everything in my heart; how much she meant to me and how much I loved her.  We got to revisit some good memories, I got to hold her hand, help her ease the pain and I got to tell her those beautiful words. It feels strange to not have her here with us any more, but I know she is looking over us now.  I believe it.

On the eve before her passing I experienced some things that will stay with me forever.  It made me have a stronger connection with my spirituality.  Some would say these events were pure coincidence, but I feel that the moments were too personal, too perfect for them to not be signs.  A sign for me to go be with her and loved ones, a sign for my boyfriend and I that someone is looking over us.  

I shared with her the second sign I saw that day because I felt it was for all of us in the family.  I went home from work after not being able to focus at the office for obvious reasons.  My boyfriend Dave had picked me up by the new bus loop near our home.  I mentioned I wanted to grab a coffee having been extremely tired, having stayed at the hospice past midnight the previous day.  Dave and I were not focused and only realized when we got to the gate of our underground parking that we forgot to grab some coffees.  Dave turned the car around and then stopped to point out his window; there up in the sky was a rainbow.  It was the most perfect rainbow I've ever seen.  So bright, so big, so beautiful and perfectly arced.  I instinctively had to jump out of the car to take a picture.  When I went to grab my camera though, it was too late...it had faded away before my eyes.  Then in that moment I knew that rainbow was for us.  A sign that everything would be okay.  We would've never seen that rainbow if we hadn't forgot our coffees...and it would've never lasted long enough for us to see it otherwise.

I miss her terribly, but glad she is no longer suffering and can now rest in peace.  She was an amazing woman.  She was a great wife, mother, grandmother, sister, friend...the list goes on.  I'm so lucky to have had the pleasure of knowing her, having her in my life and being part of her family.  I feel blessed.  She has given me many great gifts in life.  She was like a mother to me and I love her dearly.

I have a lot of good memories of Cathy, some of them being the best memories of my life.  I'm so grateful for everything she has shared with me.  From her famous pumpkin pie, to the best vacation I've ever been on...that trip alone was a life changer.  I also had the chance to visit her hometown with her this past Easter; to see where she grew up and got married.  So much family history.  I will miss her loving face, her kindness, her hugs, her sense of humour...I will miss the fact she was so compassionate, warm-hearted and full of light.

She has helped me grow as a person and will forever be an inspiration to me.  I feel over the years that I've known her, she has passed some of her strength on to me.  When I came into this family I was far more fragile than I am now and after a few years I had been toughened up and toughened up even further.  Together we got through the toughest of times as she lent her strength, love and wisdom to us.  

Although it has been one heck of a rough year, there are a lot of things to be grateful for.  I've learned so much in this year...about myself, about life in general.  I know what I want out of life, I know who I want to spend it with, I know what really matters.  I am surrounded by the best people life has to offer and they have been with me through thick and thin.  These past couple of years wouldn't have been easy without the love and support that I've received by them.  A huge heartfelt thank you to everyone who has been there for me, for this family...the outpour of love has been tremendous and has helped a great deal in this time of our lives.

With time we will heal from this loss because for the mere fact she's not really gone.  A piece of her remains in everyone that she has touched and it will eventually overpower any feelings of sadness hanging in our hearts.  Love you always and forever.

Your love, strength and beauty radiates and resides in your family and friends, and will carry on in your children and your children's children.  

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Song Crushes #1: Love At First Listen

Art by Kairixxxkiss

April showers give me super powers! Spring is here and it's finally starting to warm up!  Life is busy and I'm feeling dandy.  Although I really should be in bed right now...I have the terrible habit of going to bed late.

I've already mentioned this and you probably know, but I love music.  I love finding new music and when I find a song I really like I have to share it!  I thought it would be fun if I wrangled up some of my new favourite songs and capture them up on my blog.  I also think this will be a reoccurring blog event!  And without further ado, here are my latest song crushes.

The Neighbourhood - Sweater Weather:  I stumbled on this song by pure accident.  I think it only had a few hundred views when I first listened to it and now it's well over 90,000.  What a wonderful chill and catchy song that I had on repeat for a good solid hours.  Also the video is very lovely!


Crizzly (Remix) - Lost Woods from Legend of Zelda:  Terribly catchy and upbeat.  A remix featuring one of my favourite video game songs.  Do as Navi says..."Hey Listen!!"


Javelin - Tryouts:  This song makes me feel happy.  Very satisfying...like popping bubble wrap.  It makes me want to bop my head, wiggle to the beat and skip down the sidewalk.


Kavinsky - Nightcall:  This song was popularized by the movie Drive, which makes it difficult to find an ad free version.  You should check out the movie if you haven't, it's great...as well as the entire soundtrack.  This song in particular makes me want to drive down the streets of L.A. like a boss.


Kid A - BB Bleu:  Kiddddd you got it going on!  I thought we could make it last, but the song unfortunately ends at the 3:02 mark.  This song basically plays hard to get, but my ears won't give up!  Love her voice and those knocking beats.  Great song to chill out to.


Madeon - Icarus:  This producer from France is only 17 years old and is making big waves on the EDM scene.  Fall in love, but don't fly too close to the sun now :P.


I decided to choose 6 songs for each "Song Crushes" post, 'cause I don't know how frequent I'll post but also because I like consistency.  I looked at my "Where Would I Be Without Music?" post and it had 6 songs embedded haha.  Well that's it from me.  I hope you enjoyed that selection and are all doing well!  Love you all :)

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So Long Bucket List, Hello Mission Statement

Astronaut Anna Fisher, May 1985

So this entry is inspired by a few things; my last blog post, my fast approaching 25th birthday and a year full of people asking me if I'm married and/or have kids.  There's a lot of ground to cover, but I'll just lay down the foundation and hope we're on the same page all the way through! 

When some of my friends discovered I was turning 25, they made sure to tell me I have five years left before my life is over lol.  They were teasing of course, but I started to think of all the times I've heard older people who are married and/or have kids say their life was over when that happened.  There seems to be a very common theme with marriage and having a family.  Apparently it means that one has to hang up the proverbial "party hat."  I don't buy that though, I believe there's always fun to be had :).  I'm a huge optimistic including when thinking about getting older and reaching certain life milestones.  I can't say I look at being married or taking on the role of a parent to be life ending.  It's really the start of something new, and yes it will have it's own set of challenges, but that's just life!   

I'm not married and I don't have kids but it's definitely something that I want in my life eventually.  My boyfriend and I are both on the same page about marriage.  We actually feel like we're married without the rings and legal papers. 

When it comes to being asked if I'm married, there is one thing that "grinds my gears."  When people judge the strength of my relationship due to the fact that I'm not married.  How does not being married mean I'm any less committed to my boyfriend and vice versa?  Everyone decides what a relationship means to them and the meaning of marriage is different for everyone.  I have friends who are married and have kids, I have friends who are married but don't want kids, I have friends who aren't married and have kids, I have friends who are in a relationship but choose to never get married...why should we judge what works for other people?  We shouldn't act all high and mighty and let our opinions rule out they way others choose to live.  If they're happy that's all that matters!  For me, marriage won't really change a whole lot, but I feel it will be special when it happens.  It's the more fabulous version of receiving your diploma at graduation haha.  In all seriousness though I do look forward to that day and I hope that even though everyone has a different take on marriage that they will support me and my decision to get married...and as my alter ego would say, "If you don't like it then you can fuck off!"

As for children,  I freakin' love children!  I have a natural way with kids, in fact my friends daughter actually asked her if I could come over to play with her last weekend haha.  So I love kids and kids love me...why not have them right now?  As everyone should know having children is a great responsibility.  I want to ensure that if I am to have kids that I can provide the best life for them.  I really need to focus on what I'm doing now in order to do that.  I want to follow in my parents' footsteps.  I want to prepare for the future.  I intend to continue with every single ounce of opportunity they have provided me with and make the best of it!  To know where my parents come from and how they grew up really inspires me to not take life for granted.  So simply put...not right now because it's not the right time :).  And as my alter ego would say...hahaha

I was going to write up a new bucket list but then I had a bit of an epiphany.  I realized I don't need a bucket list.  Everything that I do want to accomplish is attainable and isn't outrageous (well except for that helicopter ride hahaha.)  Some of the goals on my last bucket list I had only accomplished in the last couple years.  Some of the amazing things I had accomplished over the past years weren't even on that original list.  Where I am now in my life I only see the many possibilities and ways I can meet new dreams/goals.  And if I don't do something in my life that at one point I felt I really wanted to do, it's not the end of the world either because I am ever evolving and so are my dreams and goals. 

For example, when I was a teenager I always dreamed of getting a belly button piercing or tattoo.  It was mostly influenced by my eldest sister and many of my friends since they're inked and pierced.  Although I appreciate tattoo art on other people, as I got older it wasn't important to me to get one anymore.  It's something I can happily live without.  And after learning more about belly button rings, it just seemed like a lot more work than what it was worth.  I knew too many people with belly button rings that got sick of them.  For me both of those things were a phase and I'm glad I didn't make it permanent haha.

There are a ton of things I'm proud of myself for accomplishing and there will be many more things to come.  So instead of a new bucket list I want to write a sort of personal mission statement instead...because as one genius said...it's not the things you do, it's how you do them! 

Where ever I am, whoever I'm with, whatever it'll be; I will always be me and live the life I was given, the life that I have earned and the life I will share with others.  I will lead a full and happy life no matter what challenges fall upon me.  I will expect tears, blood and sweat to be shed, but I will learn to be more resilient and I will be stronger. Even when I'm unsure of myself I will at least do myself a favor and try!  I hope to only continue to surprise myself like I have many times before.  I want to keep growing and I want to remain grounded.  I want to have a balanced life and live in harmony.  I want to share happiness, spread love and laugh everyday.  I will continue to believe in myself and stand up for myself and not tolerate mistreatment from others.

That's all I got so far, but I think it's pretty good.  So here I come 25!  Que Sera everyone and good night!

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Top 5 And A Half Things That Make Me Happy

I always get contemplative around this time of year.  2010 is almost at an end, and I'll be turning a year older this upcoming Thursday.

The Chinese weren't lying when they said the Year of the Tiger would be a challenging one.  You'd think being born a Tiger would bring some luck to this year.  So yes this year has been challenging and I face another challenge even today haha...oh what surprises life likes to throw at us.  The year's not over so anything can happen right?

Though times are tough, I've been able to remain strong by keeping positive and by enjoying all the lovely things that life has to offer me.  Today I'm inspired to write up my "Top 5 And A Half Things That Make Me Happy" list (in no particular order.)


Family & Friends:   From my intermediate family, to my boyfriends family and my closest friends which I consider like my family; all of you are beautiful, inside and out.  You have all been incredibly supportive throughout this year and so inspiring.  Together we've shared some scary, sad and life changing moments.  Although times were and still are difficult, I think the strength and love we have for one another holds us together to face any challenge that may come our way.  Like my Foosball nickname in college...I aim to be a brick wall of China for you in times of trouble and dismay.  Thank you for everything, from the bottom of my heart; love you all dearly...enough with the mushiness now :P.

My Wii family..or wee family if we're talking about height :P.

Music:  What would I do without music?  Music is therapy for me.  One day when I was sharing music with one my colleagues, they said to me "so this is why you're always so happy."  If I'm ever in a less than good mood, I can always zone out with my headphones on and enter a state of bliss.  I'm happy to share any track that I like, as you can see if you follow me on Twitter.  I do enjoy singing as well, although I'm no Christina Aguilera by any means.  It's fun to sing along to a song, even if I don't know most of the lyrics...mostly I just like making up silly, random songs, which some of you have been witness to before.  Hopefully if I can get some equipment together, I can start making some of my own music too, (although none with me singing haha) :).

Playing The Beatles: Rock Band with my dad and boyfriend :).

I still have those same headphones now.  I am 17 in this pic...the years have flown by!

Food:  So this may be a huge surprise *sarcastic*.  I've been coined as the "Food Monster" by my lovely boyfriend.  I eat...I eat a lot...I eat a lot for a person my size...feeding me is like, feeding that monster you've been hiding in your closet from your parents because they wouldn't let you have that puppy and then your parents wonder where all the meat disappeared to from the deep freeze.  I have been better with my food portions as I am more health conscious and want to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  But beyond the nutritional goodness and tastiness of these foods...I love that food brings people together.  Food = lots of good times and memories.

Not so health conscious in this photo as I devour my lobster steak dinner on my dad's b-day last year.

Nature and Wildlife:  Being close to nature and seeing animals in their natural habitat is an amazing experience to share with others.  It's breathtaking to walk along a trail and come across a doe and her young (*sings* doe a deer a female deer.)  I like to escape from the hustle and bustle of the city...and just listen to the birds chirp.  You can see my reaction to the beauty of nature in this video where I luckily caught 2 blue herons at a marsh while I walked the dogs with my dad.  It was kind of a double rainbow moment I would say :P.

Movies/Film:  Movies capture a lot of the other things I love, including some of the things I can't fit on this list.  Sometimes watching the right movie can make you feel happier than before you started watching it.  Sometimes a movie will leave in stitches from laughing so hard.  Sometimes the visuals may leave you captivated and inspired to do something creative or try something new.  Sometimes the soundtrack will lead you to discover wonderful new artists to add to your play list.  I think most people have a selection of movies that they hold dear to their heart for many different reasons.  My all time fave is Spirited Away, as I've mentioned many a time.  The animation, story and music is fascinating, uplifting, and all around amazing.  This is a movie I related to when I was making the transition to college and my life away from home.  I try to share this film with as many people as I can :P...and so I leave you with a trailer of Spirited Away! 

Aha some of you may have thought I was done writing, but if you were counting then you would know I have half of something left which makes me happy.  It's not really half a thing, it's definitely a huge part of everything that brings me joy.  Here's my secret to happiness...I ultimately love making others happy.  To share music to raise each others spirits, to be in the company of others when enjoying a meal, to experience rare moments of natural beauty with others, to connect and share feelings with others through film, and overall just spending time with the people I love.  These are just little things...not big huge fancy things...but like one person said, it's the little things that count.  This extends out to people I've never met.  If I can lend money to someone in need of a meal, or help a person cross the street, any positive difference I can make to another person is what brings me happiness.  I don't think there's a better feeling than making someones day a little bit brighter, even if it's as simple as saying "hello".  So to wrap up this blog entry, I hope this made your day a little bit brighter and you too are able to find the things that make you happy when you're having a bad day or year for that matter.  Thanks for reading! 

If you should feel so inspired, I'd like to see posts from others about the things that make you happy :)...because that would make me happy :). Also this list could have been 100x longer :P.

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