Welcome

Hi my name is Carla. This is my blog where the geeky and girly side of me collide. I write about the things I like and sometimes how it ties into my personal life. I hope you enjoy reading my posts.

Where Would I Be Without Music?

Make the jump to find out!

Growing Up With Action Flicks and Looking Up To Kick Ass Chicks

I list off some of my favorite female action roles and the rebirth of the Nikita series on the CW network.

Bob's Burgers and Growing Up In A Restaurant

My review of the new animated Fox series Bob's Burgers and my tale of growing up in a family restaurant.

Americas Next Top Relatable Model Ann

Meet Ann Ward winner of America's Next Top Model Cycle 15. I recap her journey on the popular TV show and talk about my personal experiences of being bullied.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Everlasting Love and Strength

Rainbows over Little Shuswap Lake in Chase BC. © Marvin Beatty Photography, 2011 
Your love, strength and beauty radiates and resides in your family and friends, and will carry on in your children and your children's children.

I woke up with those words on the morning of the day she had passed away.  My mother-in-law Cathy had passed away recently from a 2 year long battle with cancer.  Over the recent time she had spent in the hospital and hospice I was lucky enough to spend quality time with her and say everything in my heart; how much she meant to me and how much I loved her.  We got to revisit some good memories, I got to hold her hand, help her ease the pain and I got to tell her those beautiful words. It feels strange to not have her here with us any more, but I know she is looking over us now.  I believe it.

On the eve before her passing I experienced some things that will stay with me forever.  It made me have a stronger connection with my spirituality.  Some would say these events were pure coincidence, but I feel that the moments were too personal, too perfect for them to not be signs.  A sign for me to go be with her and loved ones, a sign for my boyfriend and I that someone is looking over us.  

I shared with her the second sign I saw that day because I felt it was for all of us in the family.  I went home from work after not being able to focus at the office for obvious reasons.  My boyfriend Dave had picked me up by the new bus loop near our home.  I mentioned I wanted to grab a coffee having been extremely tired, having stayed at the hospice past midnight the previous day.  Dave and I were not focused and only realized when we got to the gate of our underground parking that we forgot to grab some coffees.  Dave turned the car around and then stopped to point out his window; there up in the sky was a rainbow.  It was the most perfect rainbow I've ever seen.  So bright, so big, so beautiful and perfectly arced.  I instinctively had to jump out of the car to take a picture.  When I went to grab my camera though, it was too late...it had faded away before my eyes.  Then in that moment I knew that rainbow was for us.  A sign that everything would be okay.  We would've never seen that rainbow if we hadn't forgot our coffees...and it would've never lasted long enough for us to see it otherwise.

I miss her terribly, but glad she is no longer suffering and can now rest in peace.  She was an amazing woman.  She was a great wife, mother, grandmother, sister, friend...the list goes on.  I'm so lucky to have had the pleasure of knowing her, having her in my life and being part of her family.  I feel blessed.  She has given me many great gifts in life.  She was like a mother to me and I love her dearly.

I have a lot of good memories of Cathy, some of them being the best memories of my life.  I'm so grateful for everything she has shared with me.  From her famous pumpkin pie, to the best vacation I've ever been on...that trip alone was a life changer.  I also had the chance to visit her hometown with her this past Easter; to see where she grew up and got married.  So much family history.  I will miss her loving face, her kindness, her hugs, her sense of humour...I will miss the fact she was so compassionate, warm-hearted and full of light.

She has helped me grow as a person and will forever be an inspiration to me.  I feel over the years that I've known her, she has passed some of her strength on to me.  When I came into this family I was far more fragile than I am now and after a few years I had been toughened up and toughened up even further.  Together we got through the toughest of times as she lent her strength, love and wisdom to us.  

Although it has been one heck of a rough year, there are a lot of things to be grateful for.  I've learned so much in this year...about myself, about life in general.  I know what I want out of life, I know who I want to spend it with, I know what really matters.  I am surrounded by the best people life has to offer and they have been with me through thick and thin.  These past couple of years wouldn't have been easy without the love and support that I've received by them.  A huge heartfelt thank you to everyone who has been there for me, for this family...the outpour of love has been tremendous and has helped a great deal in this time of our lives.

With time we will heal from this loss because for the mere fact she's not really gone.  A piece of her remains in everyone that she has touched and it will eventually overpower any feelings of sadness hanging in our hearts.  Love you always and forever.

Your love, strength and beauty radiates and resides in your family and friends, and will carry on in your children and your children's children.